Videography / Dreams / 2013 Journal

I’ve been wanting to learn videography since I was in seventh grade. I spent hours upon hours researching what I could do with my basically nonexistent budget at the time and finally came to the conclusion - getting into video was much too expensive to be worthwhile. I passed that dream along back then, keep codin’ on, and started to become more obsessed with becoming a pilot.

Eight years later. I’m sitting in my bed trying to figure out what to do. I have a Canon SLR sitting beside my bed. I have Premiere and Aftereffects just sitting around thanks to Creative Cloud. I even know how to color grade footage with VSCO filters. That’s literally everything it takes to make the types of videos that draw me in so deeply (like this one)

I braved up tonight and pulled my camera out to try a shot. I took a look, it framed perfectly. I framed the next one, another perfect frame. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it - to press record - I couldn’t bring myself into a process I knew would lead to editing, which scares the hell outta me, thanks to a strange onset of perfectionism in the invisible details of that process. The idea of creating something and putting it out there with a minute error you didn’t even know existed and can’t fix quickly is about as scary as being on stage in front of a crowd for the very first time. It’s not about the numbers - I know that very well - but it’s what I want to do with videography. I want to be able to inspire and inform. But I want to do this in crazy places and with crazy subjects and that takes experience with inspiring and informing with things that don’t matter. Like taking a shot of pouring milk in a jar. And then a shot of the jar in the microwave. It’s useless information. But it is a part of a story, so it still has weight! It takes patience just to think about how to start these things.

Videography isn’t the only dream on my mind. I’ve had the blessing of time to actually think about things lately. Going to Canada, getting a pilots license, exploring the mountains, learning to work on a car, and photography have all crossed my mind today alone. These things have all set on my mind for years and still have little conclusions (well, photography has been progressing nicely). I am all over the place in several hours time, shooting idea after idea at my roommates about things to try (whom almost always agree, which doesn’t really help conclude anything). It’s a challenge to try to take these things and put them on the backburner and come back to them later so they don’t become impulsive purchases! But how do I choose the one that matters? What do I pray? Who do I talk to about these things to figure out which direction is the best hobby to pursue - which one can I make the most difference and impact with? How can these things help with what I’m doing at work or what I’m doing at Illuminate Nations?

Not going back to school was the greatest opportunity and blessing that has been presented to me. Learning to pursue dreams and ideas on my own has been far more productive, educational, exciting, and worthwhile than attempting to follow another boring and irrelevant curriculum.

What have I learned the past year? To take chances. To explore more. To buy a used car and avoid another silly loan. To talk to people around you about ideas and things that matter. To not buy furniture if you live in a third story apartment. To be careful what you say. To enjoy work and the many unique opportunities it presents. To take care of that used car. To take road trips. To be brave and do those things you want to do - alone. To come back with the pictures and sore feet and show the world the things your travels have shown you. To stand up for those who weren’t presented your same opportunities. To be the voice when you can’t be the change. To enjoy the great outdoors. To say hey to that acquaintance in Walmart and tell him you’d like to help build out his idea. To seek out the obscure and beautiful secrets of the places around you. To try out a small church group. To pray crazy things (and then watch those things come to live vividly). To cope with loneliness. To cope with weekends when you see 5 old friends in several days! To stay busy. To take breaks. To like your own work. To always be learning something new. To always be a creator, not just a consumer.